


Truly, Madly, Deeply

by TheLadyMerlin



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Community: fall-for-sx, Community: tamingthemuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-20 00:13:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2408075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyMerlin/pseuds/TheLadyMerlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander ponders the last few months and how his life has changed</p>
            </blockquote>





	Truly, Madly, Deeply

Xander watched Spike fight. Spike was always so ostentatious, a huge show off – every night a bravura performance. But this was different, Spike was different. They all were really. Ever since 'it' happened. When the one girl in all the world gave her life for that world. 

Xander didn't really care so much about the rest of the world and he didn't particularly care if that meant he was an uncaring bastard. After that one horrible night, his world had narrowed down substantially. It now consisted of the people he loved. Never once had he considered that would include one of the undead though. But months of patrolling – his loved ones still needed a safe world to live in – alongside a quieter Spike had him seeing things differently, or perhaps, more clearly would describe it better. 

Xander hadn't even thought Spike had really loved Buffy. He'd seen the obsession and immediately thought stalker. Giles had insisted vampires were incapable of true feelings. Anything without a soul didn't know how to love. After the incident with Jesse, Xander wanted to believe it was true and had embraced the Council doctrine like a long lost friend. It had been easier. 

And oh, how he had hated Spike when he'd come to town with Drusilla in tow. It was one thing to have to put up with a soul having Angel professing his love for his friend, but Spike looking at Drusilla with love shining in his eyes? It had rocked Xander's nice neat little vampire equals no soul equals no feelings thing he had going on. 

It also made him wonder about Jesse and that led to wondering about other demons and that simply wasn't fair. It was supposed to be easy. Demons are evil – end of story. But it wasn't that black and white anymore and Xander had a hard time forgiving Spike for that. 

He did though. Eventually. 

Xander continued to stand back in the shadows, simply watching as Spike let off some steam. Xander wished he could let go of his anger and hurt over Buffy's death as easily. 

Xander and Willow hadn't really given Spike's feelings much consideration and never actually knew how deeply Spike had been affected by what happened. In fairness they had all been consumed by so much grief it was hard to notice how much Spike was hurting. But Dawn had known and she had made sure that Xander knew too. She insisted that Xander make sure Spike didn't get himself dusted by taking on more than he could handle. What she thought he could do about it, Xander had no idea. But he kept those thoughts to himself. If his promise could give Dawn a little comfort, a chance to sleep peacefully, then so be it.

When Anya left it had been another loss, but somehow, Xander really hadn't felt more than a momentary pang at her abrupt departure. It had hurt far more when Giles had returned to England. 

Xander had been starting to think he was incapable of falling in love with anyone when he'd suddenly been ambushed with the realisation that he was already in love. Truly, madly, deeply and helplessly in love. 

Spike strolled over shaking the dust from his coat and Xander smiled. “All done?” Spike grinned and leaned in for a quick kiss making Xander think of all the wicked, wonderful things he could do with that agile tongue. Fighting always got Spike hot and horny and watching Spike fight made Xander hot and horny. “Home?” Xander asked hopefully.

“Home,” Spike agreed.


End file.
